By Ande, guest blogger
I got the best compliment from the school nurse the other day. No, not, “Your kid has a great capacity for mucus.” (I picked him up because he caught little bro’s cold).
She complimented me on his manners. My child!
Such a proud moment. The kind of compliment every mom of a middle schooler hopes for.
Let’s face it, tweens get a bad wrap. And as someone who hated middle school, I’m glad my child is showing gratitude during this stage of life – even to the school nurse who allowed him to crash in her office.
Homeschooling
We used to homeschool. It worked for us. As a military family that moves a lot, some things are easier to deal with through homeschooling.
One of the things we were able to focus on early was how to speak to others with respect. With our last move, we decided we’d give middle school a try – in an actual, traditional public school. It never occurred to us that our children, especially our tween, would stand out because THEY HAVE MANNERS.
Raise ’em up right
When my husband was a child, his mother always sent him out the door with the reminder: “Yes ma’am, no ma’am, thank you, and please.” We’ve continued that tradition with our boys.
Nowadays displaying such good manners is a lost art.
When my boys say, “Thank you,” to the Costco sample vendors (SNACK TIME!), the vendors often look at me surprised and tell ME, “Thank you!” (One older gentleman said he rarely gets thanked. FREE FOOD, PEOPLE! How hard is it to say, “Thanks,” to the minimum-wage retiree handing you the free cheese slice?)
In a world that seems to be losing its kindness, where some find it acceptable to berate people for any reason, what are we teaching our children at home?
Are your children being taught they deserve everything they want? OR to be thankful for what they have?
Do they say, “I want/need…,” and get it? OR do they use “please,” knowing they need to look to and respect authority in order to have said item?
Do they think “No problem” is acceptable because they didn’t have to go too far out of their way to complete a task, leaving you to wonder if it might have inconvenienced them? OR do they know that “You’re welcome” is kinder because it shows the recipient of the favor that they are simply happy to help out?
The gift of thankfulness
Thankfulness and speaking to others the way we wish to be spoken to starts at home.
We can’t blame our children’s rudeness on TV or social media if we aren’t teaching them good manners and gratitude at home.
We recently celebrated Thanksgiving. Did you know Abraham Lincoln created this holiday? He set aside the fourth Thursday in November – to reunify the nation after the victory at Gettysburg in 1863. These days, it’s a great way to teach gratitude. Once a year. But what are we doing the other 364 days?
I’d like to think that on Thanksgiving many families and friends sat together and took turns sharing things they were thankful for. Maybe you took a few minutes to let others know you appreciate them. Or maybe you were just thankful to have the TV on so you could watch football. Regardless, the question is, what can you do now? AFTER Thanksgiving?
One day of showing gratitude is a starting place, but continuing to have moments like that helps your children learn to practice gratitude, too. Simple words of thanks used with your child can make strides in the way he perceives his place in the world. Then when he asks for the potatoes at your next family gathering, he may say, “Thank you,” without prompting.
And, fingers crossed, Uncle Joe will say, “You’re welcome.” If not, well, you can always hope the school nurse will say it the next time your kid needs her attention.
Share your tips for raising respectful and thankful tweens below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
About the guest blogger:
Ande, my dear friend for over 25 years, is a proud Army wife and lover of all things Jesus. She’s deeply committed to her husband and two active boys who keep her on her toes. Her favorite hobbies are baking, cooking, eating ice cream, and working out (so she can eat the ice cream!) She hopes one day to be a skilled sleeper, clocking 8 or more hours a night.
You can read her tips for dealing with insomnia in this post: Sleep training for yo mommas. And her funny musings on how a good, ole fashioned cold can turn you into one, sleepy momma.