By Ande, guest blogger
Maybe I’m dating myself here, but raise your hand if you watched Friends in the 90s. You’re my tribe!
Ok, so who else remembers the episode about “Phobe and her sexy voice?” Thanks to the good old fashioned, common cold?
Now, I don’t relate to Phobe. Ever. In any way. She’s fun, silly, flighty, and “floopy.” I am normally dry, serious, solemn, and quiet. (Uh, if you know me, well, I might not be all of these things, but I’m an introvert, and I can’t sarcasm AT ALL. Just go with me for the contrast here.)
By the end of the episode, her cold is gone and her normal, high-pitched voice is back. So she starts collecting used tissues and licking other people’s cups to recapture her sexy, sick groove. Because it makes her singing much less objectionable. She even kisses the dorky coffee server when he coughs.
I, friends, want my cold from last month back. I can finally say I have something in common with Phobe. However, it’s not because I want to sing Smelly Cat like a lounge singer, but because I want to sleep like I do when I’m sick.
I have an on-again, off-again relationship with insomnia that you can read about – in this post.
Most afternoons, I sit quietly for a few minutes to breathe and reflect. (I homeschool two active boys, so quiet reflection is a good thing to do anyway, right?) But I only get 6ish hours of sleep on a good night, which is the very low side of normal and healthy. My goal is 7, but that is the high-end of my abilities and usually happens only after three or four nights of sleeping less than 6.
When I had my cold, though, I was sleeping 8 hours! (Y’all, the last time I was blessed with sleep like that was when I got the flu. And who wants the flu?) My husband and I always say, “We know I’m sick if I sleep 8 hours.” Well, there you go. Eight hours of blissful sleep, but it took a cold that promptly turned into bronchitis.
Then, the bronchitis… It used to be they prescribed antibiotics for that, even though everyone knew it was viral. Not anymore. I went to urgent care and the doc looked at me as if I had just crawled out of a cave and said, “You don’t have pneumonia, keep taking Mucinex and Flonase.” But the drugs?! Nope. I felt like death but was sleeping like a Disney Princess (but with more phlegm and a red, Rudolph nose).
So, for those of you who are tired and just looking for a way to sleep naturally, i.e., no pills or alcohol, I have the solution.
Find your dearest, sickest friend. Invite them over for tea or soup. Cater to her every need. Stack all the dishes in the sink until said friend has left the building. And before you put the dishes into the dishwasher, make sure you touch everything she touched and lick all her dishes. (They needed to be rinsed anyway, right? Water conservation anyone?)
Then wait 2 to 10 days. Voila! You’re sick, which gets your body horizontal and sleeping.
Disclaimer: Not suitable for mothers with children. The CDC does not find this an acceptable means to overcome insomnia. Nowhere in the sleep research on insomnia will you find self-medication via self-inflicted infection transmission. Ha ha! Give me your cold and give me good sleep!
Share your favorite Friends episode or sleep tips below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
About the guest blogger:
Ande, my dear friend for over 25 years, is a proud Army wife and lover of all things Jesus. She’s deeply committed to her husband and two active boys who keep her on her toes. Her favorite hobbies are baking, cooking, eating ice cream, and working out (so she can eat the ice cream!) She hopes one day to be a skilled sleeper, clocking 8 or more hours a night.
You can read her tips for dealing with insomnia in this post: Sleep training for yo mommas. And her thoughts on how it’s possible to raise respectful and thankful tweens.
Photo credit: Ariana Prestes from StockSnap.io