Early in my career I was the marketing director of a beloved shopping center. That sounds weird, I know. How can you love a shopping center?

But it’s true. This mall has been around since 1957 and it’s the place where moms buy daughters prom dresses and college boys buy their dates diamonds and Santa hands out candy canes at Christmas and people pick up trash whenever they see it. It’s not just a place to spend money, it’s a place to meet up and connect, to make memories.

Nope, I don’t work there anymore. Yes, I do buy into the hype that I hyped years ago.

Stocking the food bank

During those days, I spent my Fridays organizing free outdoor concerts in the mall parking lot. Local bands played and dancers shagged and little kids chased bubbles and people tailgated with food from home. The concerts were supposed to get people out to shop, but mostly folks came to people-watch.

So I did things to make it special. Like inviting the Chick-fil-A cow to wander around. Or hiring a balloon artist to create dogs out of tiny plastic tubes and air.

And I asked people to bring canned food to donate to the local food bank. Y’all, did they ever!

Every Friday, folks from the food bank would show up with their logo-covered, tractor-trailer truck and park it for some free advertising. Then they’d spend the evening between band sets talking up the organization’s mission and thanking people for their donations. And they’d cajole others into walking over to the Harris Teeter and not coming back til they’d spent 20 bucks on cans of green beans or jars of peanut butter.

Together, we filled trash cans full of food.

We were all hanging out at the mall, making lives better.

The folks from the food bank left an impression on me. I worked with lots of people during the summers at the shopping center, but these guys were my favorite. They were volunteers. They had day jobs or were retired. They had other things to do.

But they believed in helping others. They believed in breaking up pockets of poverty in the community. They believed their Friday evenings were well spent working the crowds at the local mall to entice neighbors to assist neighbors.

When I finally got around to having kids, I struggled with infertility. And we leaned on lots of neighbors to get us through. So when our first son turned one, we gave back to the community.

Baby’s first birthday

We didn’t have a birthday party with a smash cake. We didn’t invite all the kids from daycare to lavish presents on our beautiful boy. We didn’t decorate the house with Dr. Suess-themed crafts. We hosted an open house and invited EVERYONE we knew. And we asked them to bring canned food instead of gifts.

We lack for nothing, but live in a city full of food deserts. Our community helped us through a time of pain and hope. The least we could do was to tap back into the values I’d observed those years ago in the food bank volunteers. To help alleviate pain and bring hope to others. Hope through nourishment, through nutrition, through full tummies. So children could concentrate on school work and mothers could sleep better, knowing the next meal was waiting in the frig.

In honor of my son’s first birthday, guests filled an actual grocery cart to overflowing with food. And stuffed 200 ziplock baggies with weekend snacks for children. And donated $200 in cash – just think how many jars of peanut butter you can buy for $200.

We made an impact because those food bank volunteers from many summer moons ago made an impact on me.

My first son is now 5 1/2 and we tell him this story A LOT. So much so that he wants to make this a tradition. These days his birthdays are filled with cake and school friends and presents. But they are also filled with boxes to hold the canned food his friends bring to our home that we then share with the local food bank.

And you can hear the pride in his small voice when he talks about how he’s helping our neighbors: “Mommy, we have lots of food. But some people don’t. We’re giving this food to people who don’t have any.”

I want to raise a generous child. I want to raise a boy who’ll give back to others. I want to raise a son with a heart of empathy. I have those fine folks from the food bank to thank for inspiring me to use an event full of fun to teach my child to do unto others.

How to raise generous children

Here are 5 tips to instill generosity and joy amongst your littles.

1. Host a charity-themed birthday party

In lieu of presents or in addition to (I’ve done it both ways.) You can partner with a local charity (let your kiddo pick the one!) or just do a low-key canned food drive like we do every year to celebrate our oldest. Even 4 cans of corn makes a difference – to a food pantry and in creating a giving mindset in your home.

2. Share gently-used items with others

I’m talking baby clothes and toddler shoes and that old high chair that still works perfectly.

I’m super blessed that TONS of other boy moms have given us many amazing things over the years. Every time we get a new bag of goodies, I make a HUGE deal out of it. The boys get really excited to discover what’s inside and we talk about how kind everyone is for sharing. THEN we do the same thing, passing things along to other families. And I tell the boys who I’m giving items to so they can imagine their friend Loukas wearing their favorite shirt or coat.

3. Encourage re-gifting

Ah, the joy of re-gifting. Otherwise known as giving away all.the.toys to a needy child. Because: does your kid really need 97 Paw Patrol dolls? (My boys would definitely say “yes!”)

I’m cheap and my re-gifting proclivities DRIVE the #RockStarDad in my life BATTY. But I figure it’s helping to save the planet, so he can deal. Anyway, my boys like to find random crap a toy that’s neglected under their beds and pass it along to their friends. Which is very sweet – and gets the junk OUT OF MY HOUSE (win win!)

Here’s one way to do this: Tell the kids it’s TOY COLLECTION DAY! And make them each pick 3 items to gift to a younger kid down the street. Make this a regular practice and they will start doing it on their own. (And you’ll have less stuff to dust and vacuum around.)

This re-gifting mindset can even infiltrate birthday parties. I’ll start wrapping a new (I swear) gift and before I know it, one of the boys has brought me a tattered and beloved book that I MUST include in the package. Sure, why not! I’ll slip the other mom a note later so she can appreciate the gesture and won’t think I’m a total freak.

4. Collect the couch-cushion change and give it away

Give this job to your kid. Tell her she can keep one out of every 4 coins (math lessons!) and then let her put the remaining money in the offering plate at church or donate to her charity of choice. And ask her how she thinks the money will be used so she can hone her storytelling prowess and imagine a little girl wearing new mittens in the dead of winter because of all the quarters your daughter collected one Saturday morning.

5. Plan a family volunteer day

This can be as simple as raking leaves for the old lady down the street or hanging out at the local animal shelter for 30 minutes to pet a few attention-starved dogs. (WARNING: you might come home with one of them.) Or you can adopt another family during the Holidays and have your kid accompany you on the shopping trip when you’re working to make all their dreams come true.

Share your own tips for raising generous children below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

Photo credit, featured image: Anna Kolosyuk from Unsplash.com

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS
Loving these thoughts mommas shared on Facebook about tip #1, hosting a charity-themed birthday party.

I set up a fund through our Children’s Hospital and sent the link out with Evite. We raised about $1000! We tell our kids that they get loads of toys already and we need to give back.

Each of my kids have done one, though they both picked no-kill animal organizations. We contacted the organizations first to find out their needs at that time, like June is kitten season so they needed kitten stuff more than dog stuff. The kids loved it. I’m also on the board of a local non-profit that provides gifts to 1,400-2,400 kids per year. My oldest helps with the shopping and loves picking out clothes and toys for some of those children.

My daughter really wants a kitten this year, and she will be inviting, like, 25 kids to her birthday party. So I explained to her that she’s getting lots of presents from close friends and family, and we cannot get a kitten (we already have two cats in a townhouse). I explained to her about a local shelter that has a “catery,” basically a little house with tons of cats, and told her, instead of getting a million presents, she could ask all her friends to bring donations for the catery to help the kittens and cats. To my surprise, she readily agreed. I’m pretty proud… 😊

We don’t do these types of bday parties… We donate every month to our community relief agency down the road. They have a food pantry, medical clinic and provide relief for folks that are struggling with limited income or have an emergency (help with housing, clothing, necessities). We know exactly how our donations are being used so our girls’ bday is their celebration. We don’t do parties anymore but will go out for a nice dinner and do fun things in celebration for several months. All our bdays are back to back. I’ll send some fun things with them to pass out to their classmates on their bday.