By Sara, guest blogger
I sit here staring at the screen, tears streaming down my face, wishing I could change my child. Wishing he were different. Wishing this embarrassment and shame would vacate my brain. But those wishes will not come true. This is my reality.
So please accept my sincere apology when I say, “I’m sorry my child is too busy.” To talk to you. To sit for a spell. To be quiet and composed.
He’s my sweet, busy, 2-year-old. As in, he is ALL BOY! Dirt and trucks are his best friends. He will gladly lay in a puddle of mud and play all afternoon. He experiences life with ALL his senses and finds pure joy in the simplest things.
Let me apologize
Here I go again. I’m sorry IF:
If you want to meet up with me at the park
To sip hot coffee and catch up while our kids play. It ain’t happening.
I will gladly yell to you my half of the conversation as I chase my son who is running head first into the pond, or proudly declaring, “It’s poop, Mommy!,” as he finds some duck droppings. If you are ok with that type of life, then we can be friends.
If you want to meet me for lunch
Just go ahead and accept that we will be eating at Chick-fil-A (again). So my son can play. Sitting still for a meal is not gonna happen.
If you wanna have a play date
You gotta be ok with coming to my house. I’m about 99% sure that, should we venture to your house, my kid will discover the one thing you never even thought could be hazardous. And this will rock your world!
I’m exhausted
I tell you all of this to explain that I AM TIRED.
When you’re the parent of a curious, busy babe, who explores the world with ALL HIS SENSES, ALL THE TIME, you spend the day trying to predict and control how things are going to go.
Family trip to a college basketball game? Gotta research the seating chart to make sure the seats are on the aisle. So your kiddo can march up and down the stairs. The entire game!!!! (Also: to plan our escape route should toddler craziness ensue.)
Sometimes you think it’s easier to stay home and seclude yourself away. This is quickly followed by guilt – for not getting out more and for avoiding the chance to teach your child how to behave in public.
Sometimes you get to the end of the day and feel like shutting down. But you can’t because you need to catch up on all the things you couldn’t do when your little guy decided to stand on a chair, on top of his play table, to reach the fan cord. (No joke, y’all.)
Sometimes the Holidays arrive and you want to sit with family and catch up. But you’re paranoid the entire time that your sweet boy will find grandma’s breakables in the living room or he’ll sneak outside to explore or he’ll insult Aunt Fran because he’s too busy to pay any attention to her.
Dealing with guilt
You see, there’s a war inside my mind. I can’t help but wonder if folks think I can’t control my child. I mean, how else should I interpret it when they say, “Man, that kid is BUSY!”? They might as well sling a Southern “bless your heart” at me.
What am I doing wrong? Why does he act out whenever we go somewhere? Why? Why? Why?
Am I crazy to think this? I wish I didn’t allow these thoughts into my head, but they are there and need to be dealt with.
What about you? Are you the mom of a busy kiddo, too? How do you handle it?
Maybe you feel like me, and the guilt and shame weigh on you – constantly.
I’m not sorry
But here’s the thing.
When I see my son laying on the floor, flipping the brakes of the high chair up and down, up and down, up and down, I know he’s trying to figure out how things work.
When I see him putting his little tikes chair on top of the kitchen chair to reach the top of the frig, I think to myself, “Man, that kid is BRAVE!”
He’s genuinely curious about the world around him. And that makes this momma PROUD.
Nothing scares him. He wants to understand everything!
I see those wheels churning in his little brain. Which reminds me that God designed my sweet boy to explore the world with ALL HIS SENSES. That He created that inquisitive brain. That He entrusted me to raise this little guy to love life and books and cars and cranes and tinker toys and swords and balls and God’s amazing creation.
I know God will use my precious child’s curiosity for good. My son will grow up and do GREAT things.
Yes, I’m sorry my child is too busy for you. I’m sorry he wrecks your house every time we come over. I’m sorry we can’t have a normal, grown-up conversation when he’s awake.
But I’m done apologizing. Because this is who he is: stubborn, strong-willed, and curious. And wonderfully made.
I will love him no matter what. Even when he’s driving me and you nuts multiple times a day.
So, sure, I’m sorry (not sorry) and I’m completely exhausted. But I’m also AMAZED by him – constantly.
What’s your kiddo like? How do you deal with other people’s expectations for how you parent? Comment below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
About the guest blogger:
Sara is a former preschool teacher, turned stay-at-home mom. Her days consist of chasing her son around the house, keeping a semi-normal life together, and annoying the mess out of her husband. She’s part of a team that creates curriculum for one of her church’s mom’s life groups that she also leads, along with a mom’s Bible study. Sara feels that her faith in God keeps her sanity in check. The Lord has laid on her heart to share in the struggles of motherhood and marriage with those around her throughout this season of her life.
Check out Sara’s other posts…
Her candor about the impact of children on marriage: How my kid almost crushed my marriage.
Her tips for finding yourself and rediscovering joy throughout your motherhood journey: Momma, do you know who you are anymore?
And her passionate call-to-action to protect our children against gun violence: We’ve had enough of your thoughts and prayers
Photo credit, featured image: sharefaith from pexels.com
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS
Loving these thoughts mommas shared on Facebook.
My two boys are two of SEVEN boys (#7 is a nephew on the way) no girls. When we all get together they have a blast but it is so frustrating dealing with the older folks who want to make them “behave” the entire time. I get it, there are certain things we need to make sure they don’t do but for the most part, they are just having fun with their cousins and it’s loud, but it isn’t unsafe. It makes us all on edge the entire time and turns a fun family event into a stressful situation.
Right there with you!!
My sweet girl was like this as well. Into everything, climbing on everything and testing everything out. At 3.5 she has slowed down a bit but she does everything on her own. She figured out how to do it all. Compared to my calm firstborn who would be happy to sit in front of a tv all day if you let him, she has done so many things faster and way earlier than he did.
She potty trained faster, can get herself fully dressed waaaaay earlier, doesn’t need help opening anything. She has had lots of practice! 😂 Brushes her teeth well on her own. Doesn’t want help and many times doesn’t need it. So many other skills she has learned because she experienced.
It was a rough couple of years trying to keep her safe, but now that we are on the other side of it, she is a spunky independent individual and so much fun!
Omg love this! My oldest boy is this and he’s 5. He can be tough, challenging and defiant at times but is also so curious, strong willed, independent and smart 💙
It’s hard to see at first because others opinions and statements get in the way, but then you take those characteristics and turn them into positives, and you’ll see how amazing they really are! My second son is totally opposite, goes with the flow, listens the first time (wasn’t used to that 🤣), sweet, which is also pretty amazing in and of itself, but he also wasn’t doing the things his older brother did independently at his age. Everyone’s different, but also, embrace those “challenges” and know they’ll be something some day! 💙
Literally my 2 year old! I’m constantly worried what people must think of my willful boy and my apparent inability to control him. Unfortunately for them, they don’t see how curious and brave and loving he also is! We’re blessed to be moms of these busy boys. ❤️
Oh thank God!! I was feeling super guilt because most of my mom friends have girls or calmer boys. I thought I was doing something wrong with my crazy adventurous little guy. And my husband doesn’t get it either. He wants our 2 year old to sit down and calmly eat dinner or read books constantly. I let our little guy roam because making him sit would be like putting a leash on a cat.
Oh my god, it’s like the author has been watching me.
I don’t think others – even other parents and grandparents – can fully understand and relate unless they’ve had this kind of child. My son isn’t quite as “busy” as the boy described in this article but active enough that some friends and family members don’t quite get him – particularly those who have had very mellow children or only girls (not that there are no girls out there who are like this, but generally speaking girls seem to be different, lol). I hear my mom so often say “why does he do that??” and my usual response is something like “because he’s an inquisitive, curious, active 2 year old boy!” Not sure why she hasn’t figured that out yet… *le sigh* I find that our best playdates are outside the house with other friends who have boys around my son’s age, where there’s plenty of freedom for exploration and running around, and other moms who completely understand 🙂