I implore you to keep reading. I promise this won’t get gross. And I’ll spare you a picture. It’s stomach-bug season. That’s sort-of like Passover (I’m no expert, I’m not Jewish), where the Angel of Death moves from house to...
Read MoreWhy I Marie Kondo-ed the family dog
For years I suffered in silence, trying to weasel out of pet ownership. Then Marie Kondo rescued me. It was time to un-adopt the dog. Because the dog did not SPARK JOY. Here’s why. Dog pee on the wall-to-wall, beige...
Read More10 things you should know about having a C-section
Recently a pregnant momma asked me, a proud, 2-time C-section momma: If we have to schedule a C-section, any suggestions to mentally prepare? It seems like it would be so surreal to just feel totally normal – and then pop...
Read MoreIt’s a mad, mad world. Don’t let them win.
Be brave, y’all, because the world is a little off-kilter right now. Cherish the mundane moments with your children when life feels chaotic. The kids cannot begin to understand the turmoil and pain gripping our hearts these days.
Read MoreCan we mommas ban Valentine’s Day CARDS this year?
I’ve decided to rebel. This thing called Valentine’s Day is getting on my ever-loving last nerve. I’m not pissed that Hallmark basically made up the holiday. I couldn’t care less that it’s another excuse for my children to eat truckloads...
Read MoreTeaching your kids how to ask for consent
I’m raising white males who I hope will one day get into Princeton University and Yale Law School. (Nah, fingers crossed, they’ll get into state schools.) What’s a mom to do when she’s training up the next generation of the...
Read MoreThe truth about getting your first mammogram
Ok, all you 40-year-old ladies, raise your right arms in solidarity. Welcome to your next right of passage: the annual breast-squishing. Better known as the mammogram. I was supposed to start getting mammograms when I turned 35, but I kept...
Read MoreDon’t use your cell phone at the table (and other dinnertime rules for kids)
I got in this bad habit when my oldest was born of EATING LIGHTNING FAST – and only things you can grab and go, like pop tarts and brownies and french fries. That kiddo is 6 now and I still...
Read MoreI bribe my children to go to bed
The boys are old enough to put themselves to bed. They’d prefer to do other things. Like yelling or legos or dance-offs or wrestling. So I bribe them. Who knew that 2 quarters could be magical? And yet that’s all...
Read MoreThe big lie infertility wants you to believe
Parenting is hard, y’all. Like spin around 5 times fast and try to walk a straight line hard. Sometimes it feels impossible. But you stumble onto the floor, collect yourself and get up. Luckily these little critters are really great...
Read More10 ways to dress your kid in the morning
Parenting small children is basically an episode of Naked Survivor. You win if you manage to coerce the small children into wearing clothes. Without killing them (or yourself) in the process – that’s the survivor part. I’m in the thick...
Read MoreDoesn’t everyone like donuts with butter?
Are you a sugar-hound? Or a coffee-craver? I’m all about some sugar, y’all. (Some people drink. I do chocolate.) Especially for breakfast. Family traditions #RockStarDad is forever commenting on the amount of junk my family consumes for breakfast. Growing up,...
Read MorePlease don’t take my IUD
She nodded at the new baby nuzzled at my breast and then looked me in the eye and asked, “Are you done?” YES! was my reply. Body, mind, spirit all in agreement on that. I had my two little ones...
Read MoreDrink more, sleep poor (and other truths about alcohol)
Guess what, ladies? Alcohol is a POISON. Because, well, it’s ethanol – which people put into their cars. What the what? For real? I don’t know, but it sounds disgusting anyway. This is just one of the many things I’ve...
Read MoreThe art of picking out socks: teaching children independence
Ok, ladies, is it realistic to think my older kid can put on his coat by himself while I help the younger one? Then we all get out the door in the morning a little more quickly, right? Ha! There’s...
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