By Cathy Smallwood, guest blogger
Every weekend, my family and I go through the same routine. My kids (ages 5 and 3) wake up WAY TOO EARLY for a Saturday morning. (Why is it that I have to drag them out of the bed during the week, but they are well rested at 6:00am on a Saturday?!)
We wake up, lounge around while they play, and then after eating, I see it: THE PLAYROOM.
How two girls can make such a mess is beyond me. But I’m determined to be in a GOOD MOOD today! I’m determined to be a GOOD MOM today!
I put on my friendly-mom voice, and calmly tell them to clean the playroom. Instead, toys start leaking out of the playroom into the living room.
Big sigh. Not angry. Good mom voice. Girls, please clean your playroom.
The girls inevitably tell me they don’t know what to do. The mess is so bad, I don’t blame them. Imagine a room on the show “Hoarders” and that pretty much sums up the playroom.
I’ve learned to tell each girl to clean up one thing. J, you clean up the books. L, you clean up the play-dough. And then I repeat this mantra til it’s all cleaned up.
This is our typical Saturday morning ritual. For hours, I attempt my good mom voice. For hours, they complain about not knowing how to clean. Until the loud voice gets out, tears are shed, and finally the room is clean.
Today is different.
Every time I walk into the playroom, more things appear. My oldest – the emotional one – is crying that her younger sister isn’t helping. My youngest – the carefree one – is off in her own little world, content as can be, playing with paper.
I have two choices: Take off the “quiet, understanding mom” hat and put on the “authoritarian, disciplinarian” hat, OR sit down and help them.
Now, I refuse to clean for them. But, I will help them sort through the mess.
Eating an elephant
Someone once told me that the easiest way to eat an elephant is to take “one bite at a time.” This elephant, however, is SO BIG the girls don’t even know where to start. Ever been there?
So, I sit on the floor, and I help them sort through the mess.
I pile up the books: L, put the books away. Done!
I point out the trash and hand over a trashcan: J, throw the trash away. Done!
I put all the baby dolls in a pile: L, put the babies away. Done!
I scrounge up the craft supplies: J, put these in your craft bucket. Done!
After three hours of tears and complaining, the girls had the room spotless within thirty minutes.
What was the difference? We “sorted through the mess.” Together.
Life is messy.
I am an over-thinker, over-analyzer type. This, too often, causes “paralysis by analysis.” And the mess of life shuts me down.
The bills need to be paid.
The house needs to be cleaned.
The kids need to be fed.
The dogs need to be walked.
The laundry needs to be washed.
The laundry needs to be put away – this is debatable.
The dishes need to be cleaned.
The work needs to be worked on.
The mental health needs to be improved.
The physical health needs to be improved – or the chocolate needs to be consumed.
The relationships need to be strengthened.
The emotions need to be handled.
The things need to be remembered.
When I’m going through life without these things “sorted out,” I get paralyzed. I am staring at a mess, crying ugly tears, and screaming that no one will help me.
I need someone to help me sort through the mess.
I need someone to sit next to me.
I need someone to tell me where to start.
Tips to sort through the mess
We all need someone with us. So, pretend I’m sitting next to you on the floor and try these tips to sort through your mess right now.
1. Lean on God.
Pray, read your Bible, or blast some praise and worship songs. It’s amazing when the Lord allows me to listen to the exact right song at the exact right time. Or read the perfect passage of scripture.
Philippians 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.”
Ask God to help you sort through the mess. Because He gets it. The Bible says life will be messy, that life will have hurt and challenges.
2. Allow yourself to feel.
Allow yourself to cry. Allow yourself to be still. Allow yourself time to pause and feel all the things.
Be in the moment and just listen to what your body and heart are saying. This can be calming.
3. Write out your blessings.
Focus on the good things in your life. Don’t be consumed by the messy playroom. Recognize the mess, and then notice the good things, like the amazing creativity, curiosity, and craftiness of your children.
4. Make a list.
Pretty lists make me feel good! Sometimes, I even write down something on my list that I’ve already completed, just so I can cross it off. Victory! Confidence boost!
5. Start with something easy.
It’s called the snowball effect. If you want to lose fifty pounds, lose one pound first, then two pounds. If you want to pay off debt, pay off the smallest amount first, then the next smallest. Another confidence boost!
6. Talk to someone.
I know all of us moms think we can handle it on our own – no, just me? And that we moms think all the other moms have it together so we don’t want to share our burdens – no, just me?
I’ve learned that most of us are on the struggle bus, if not driving it. And the ones who appear like they’ve got it all together? Well, they’re working hard to present that appearance.
Find your person (or people) and TALK:
“I feel like crap”
“I don’t know where to start”
“I feel like a failure”
“What should I do?”
Get vulnerable and share your burdens. Because the struggle bus is a lot more fun with kindred strugglers!
In the meantime, know you’re not alone. I’m out there in the world thinking of you as I gaze at the mess in my own playroom called life. Together, we can sort through the emotional, financial, physical, occupational, or relational mess we’re each facing.
Share your tips for sorting the mess of life below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
About the guest blogger:
Cathy Smallwood, the mom of two beautiful girls, survives on caffeine, laughter, and faith. She’s been married for ten years, and enjoys gardening (though she knows nothing about it), raising chickens (though she knows very little about them), swimming (though she doesn’t have a pool), and working out (though she gives up on this far too often). Okay, really, she doesn’t have any hobbies. Why do guys always have an easier time finding hobbies?!
You can read her encouraging thoughts on finding the silver lining during the pandemic in this blog post.
Photo by Gustavo Fring from Pexels