By Kelly, guest blogger

 

I have a complicated relationship with money. I know I’m not the only one.

Talking about it is taboo or weird. But it shouldn’t be.

Because we can use money to amplify our values and advocate for others. That is pretty awesome.

To unleash the good money can do, we need to be thoughtful about how we get it, save it, and use it. We need to figure out what matters most to us and then act on that with confidence. (No, investment bot, I don’t want my portfolio to look like that!)

The default narrative about wealth and money is really messed up. To change it, we need to talk about it. Sharing my thoughts and strategies is one way I can publicly commit to action – and maybe inspire you to dig into your own stuff.

This is where I am right now when it comes to money – and a bit about how I got here.

 

The salary talk

I grew up not talking with people outside my family about money. It just wasn’t done in polite society.

And at work? Forget it! You definitely didn’t disclose your salary. I’m pretty sure you could get fired for that – and, let’s be honest, it’s still is a big no-no.

And even today, most job openings don’t list salary. That kind of BS reinforces a status quo that isn’t equitable. It gives cover to shady stuff and prevents us from holding systems accountable.

I’ve stopped sharing job openings unless they share salary information and I make it known that’s why I’m not sharing. Pay transparency matters and we need to get comfortable talking about it.

As a woman, I grew up knowing I had to negotiate like hell. And I’d still end up with less than most men would get as a first offer, and I’d likely be resented for it.

A lot of publications focus on helping women negotiate better. But what would be more helpful is offering all applicants a fair rate. It’s that simple.

These days, I walk away from places that make me negotiate when I know they can and have paid a fair price to others. I don’t have time for that nonsense. Hard pass.

 

Money as safety

What polite society did teach me is that it was important for women to have an independent source of money.

Growing up, I knew I needed to have change for the pay phone and cash for a taxi “just in case.” (No cell phones and no Lyft? Yep the 1980s folks). Having a financial safety net meant being able to quit a job if you were being harassed. You could leave a bad domestic situation.

Money was about safety. It couldn’t solve everything, but it could give you options. Now that I’m older, I feel much the same way about it. But with some caveats.

There comes a point where having enough money to feel secure bleeds over into hoarding money. So that others are insecure. More isn’t always better.

 

The prosperity gospel

Society tends to revere the wealthy as better somehow (even as we resent them). We lift up the megarich on TV, in top 10 lists, on podcasts…

There’s even a prosperity gospel where God supposedly rewards the good with wealth. Meaning the poor must be doing something wrong.

It’s a toxic perspective, but if you don’t check yourself, you can easily slide into the idea that being rich equates to positive characteristics or better abilities. Reinforcing old stereotypes about poor people not being smart, not working hard enough, spending irresponsibly.

Trust me, you cannot work enough hours at minimum wage to make ends meet without some serious compromises, if you can do it at all.

I’ve never wanted to be megarich. But being financially responsible and financially independent is important to me. I started saving as much as I could as soon as I could. Which meant I felt pretty great when my investments started bringing in more money than my salary, but keep reading.

 

Robin Hood in Reverse

For someone who hustled with 3 to 4 jobs during school, watching my money grow all by itself was awesome! Wasn’t I the clever, hardworking one who picked the right investments and let the market do its magic?

Then I thought about the system I was buying into.

I was getting more money than a lot of people who were working ridiculously hard. And I wasn’t doing anything of value to get it.

In fact, I was making money because, among other things, people were being undercompensated for their labor.

Like Robin Hood in reverse. Not cool.

Plus, it was inefficient.

Imagine investing in an organization that pays great dividends, but is an environmental nightmare, and then donating your earnings from that investment to an environmental cause. That’s messed up. And doesn’t make sense.

 

Aligning values with spending

Enter my money manifesto:

These days, I’m working on being more strategic and aligning my investments with my values. It’s a long-term commitment to be intentional. I keep chipping away at it.

For a lot of people, investments are nonexistent or meager (or just too daunting to figure out). Which means day-to-day spending is the place to focus on values.

I’m glad that more and more businesses are catching onto the growing desire towards thoughtful spending. They’re now selling things or providing services AND benefiting a cause.

Like, Bombas socks. When you buy from them, they donate an item to someone experiencing homelessness. I can dig that. (Also, Bombas makes good socks, so yes to that!)

But that approach taps into something consumerist and transactional and it can go awry.

If you have kids in your life, that means fundraisers. You know, popcorn, cookies, magazines, gift wrap?

Buying something you don’t need is wasteful. Why not just give a direct donation instead?

Most likely, the group you want to benefit gets more from a $10 donation than a $50 purchase of stuff. That said, if you need wrapping paper anyway, you might as well buy it from a place that gives something back to the community. (Unless it’s overpriced and they’re actually making a big profit off it.)

In most cases, refusing to buy something or reusing what you’ve already got is the more cost effective and sustainable choice. I’m a member of my local Buy Nothing group. I pass along things I don’t need or use and I receive things when I need them. It’s a mutual community of abundance, and it’s awesome. I use less and I have more to donate.

 

Voting with your pocketbook

I’m all about voting in elections – but that only gets us so far. We vote with our money and actions every damn day.

That persistent action can either counteract the political votes we make – or it can reinforce and amplify our votes. I propose we vote AND use our money with the same ends in mind.

This means, you need to be clear about your values and the trade-offs between them.

To do this, I spend money in line with my values. I get as close as I can and reevaluate from time to time to see if I can get even closer to enacting my values. I’m still figuring it out. I’ve got a lot to dig into.

Perfection isn’t an option and it isn’t an excuse.

I shop places that pay and treat their workers well, even if that costs me more. I avoid spending money where there’s a history of inequitable policies and practices. And if a business is a mega donor to a politician I abhor, I avoid shopping there as much as possible.

That said, you can’t be 100% values-aligned all the time. Because we value more than one thing and there are tensions between those values. For example, the Black-owned restaurant you love may not be environmentally-friendly. You can balance what’s more important for a particular purchase and then look at the overall mix.

How we spend our time and money says more about what we value than anything we say. There isn’t always a good choice, but with intention we can use the choices we have to do better.

I don’t believe what people say they value, I believe what they show they value. Track how and where you spend your money and take an honest look at what you’re saying.

Which leads me to my money manifesto…

 

My (values based) money manifesto

I seek to make financial decisions that honor myself and others.

I know how much I need to live a “good” life. I pay attention to what I need to do to provide for myself and my family. I keep an eye on the income coming in and the expenses going out (current and predicted).

I routinely try to reduce expenses to make the most of what I have. (Yup, I’m the person that calls about lowering their home and auto insurance rates every year.)

I purchase and invest in things of quality or that bring me joy. When we needed a hot water heater, I got one that cost more upfront but was energy efficient and provides unlimited hot water on demand. If all goes well, in the end it’ll save money. Plus, never-ending hot water is a luxury I appreciate.

I settle my debts. I pay my taxes. I stay up-to-date on what I owe others. I do my best to reciprocate with people when it comes to time, money, and support.

If I get awesome service or I see someone going above and beyond, I tip big! I’m loyal AS HELL to places that treat people and the planet right.

I will NOT do business with places that consistently screw people over. (Only 5 organizations are on my “no, never” list.)

I push myself to recognize when I’m bargaining or underpaying in a way that takes advantage of others. (Even if they don’t say anything.) Turns out, always looking for the lower price can be in direct contrast with some of my values. As Lauren Lizardo says, “There is a fine line between bargaining, haggling, and stealing. Stealing can be stealing from myself, not just from others.”

I make values-driven spending and saving a habit. Because everything is easier when it’s automatic.

I set and review a monthly budget that I loosely follow. I update it every year or so.

I pay myself enough to live on via electronic transfer every two weeks. If I need more, I can transfer it over. The money is there, but out of reach. Which means I have to think about it and do something out of the ordinary before I can access it. That forces a pause moment: do I really need or want this? If yes, I move the money over.

I intentionally set up how I spend and save money. And that makes it easier to do the things that I say matter.

I identify causes and organizations I think will make the biggest positive difference in areas that matter most to me. I set up monthly donations to those groups so they have a steady flow of my support. And I make those donations using a credit card that offers rewards #winwin

Knowing that I’m consistently supporting what matters most to me throughout the year feels pretty great. When I can do more, I do more.

I put more effort into being socially conscious and figuring out the best choices for the things I routinely spend money on or that are expensive. That way the choice is automatic. My mortgage is with a lender who has a slightly higher rate but who has excellent service and does business in a way that doesn’t make me cringe. Every week I pick up produce from a local, organic CSA. It’s healthier and less expensive. I can always reassess and recalibrate as my values evolve and more options become available.

I could go on. This is just the tip of the iceberg for my money manifesto.

The main idea is that we can use money to amplify and enact our values and to advocate for and support others.

I’m extremely lucky and I have a broad range of choices. Not everyone has the choices I do. I can look at that as my just rewards. Or I can use it as an opportunity to make things better across the board. One step at a time.

 

Share your favorite (values based) money tips below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

 

About the guest blogger:
Kelly is an evaluation consultant who works primary with foundations in the United States. Audiobooks are her go-to for self-care. Because having someone read to you is pretty decadent and sleep is elusive, so you might as well be informed and entertained! This is her first piece focused on money.

You can follow Kelly’s love for DIY projects over at her blog, Bespokitude.